What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
08.06.2025 01:25
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was very sick at this time too.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Is it possible for doctors to diagnose prostate cancer just by looking at a patient?
I was 9 years of age.
My family never makes their pension either.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
UK has fingers in its ears over Trump’s defense threat - politico.eu
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
We were not on the streets..
What is the Replika app, and how does it work?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
How much of lounge pianists playing is from repertoire, and how much is improvised?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why did i forgive my father ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Is TikTok becoming a platform for soft porn?
She found it foreign!.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Scientists find 34-million-year-old snake that changes our understanding of evolution - Earth.com
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
If sea levels were rising, wouldn't the acreage of coastal salt marshes increase? Are they?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It was going to be , some day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I think the readers, may guess!
When she asked me how she looked .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Who then, do I blame.?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Comes on , in middle age.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What did i know ?
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I said to her
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She loved him until the end.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Would this be the day?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was seconnd youngest,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We all went to grammer schools
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Especially a lifetime of it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She was in good health!
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And i lived it daily.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She married twice! .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She wouldn,t have been !
Ive learnt so much.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was scared of men, in general
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I waited trembling.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
So, i spoilt her more .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot live in the past .
I write beautiful poetry .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My life is so biszare .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He knew the spot.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i do to all so called friends.?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I have no regrets .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But it wasn’t much.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He resisted the act ,that day.
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I couldn’t, believe it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I don,t even have a pension.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!